Board Thread:Fun and Games/@comment-28396600-20171009182707/@comment-28396600-20180615043446

"Why I Sympathize With Cats"

Remember when I mentioned a Robot Chicken sketch about a cat that traumatized me a couple of years back, well there is a reason behind my dislike towards anything violent happening to felines. It all started when I was in 2nd Grade, I was a huge fan of The Simpsons growing up and made sure to record every Simpsons marathon I could find on a blank VHS tapes. One night, I was going to a sleepover at a friend's house while they played a full length marathon of the entire first two seasons of The Simpsons. I was overjoyed to be able to binge each episode back to back and made sure to record the marathon before heading off to my friend's house. My little cousin was also having a sleepover that night with a few of her friends but if there's one thing that really bugs me about her:She was quite the stubborn child during her younger years. Whenever you told her to do something or not to do something, she would always do the exact opposite seemingly for no reason other than to piss us off. I urged her NOT to touch the remote while my long awaited Simpsons marathon was taping. When I came home that evening, I really hoped that my cousin had listened but in the back of my mind I knew she hadn't. But this time was completely different, what had taped instead of The Simpsons was the thing that destroyed my childhood innocence. The show that had been taped over appeared to be your average Barney-type kiddie show about a guy in a bear suit. I believe it was called "Bear in the Basement" or something like that. Considering "Bear in the Big Blue House" was the name of another popular kid show back then, the show's title was about as lame as you could get. In the episode our main "protagonist" (and I use that term very loosely) Mr. Bear was holding a cute fluffy kitten named Mr. Mittens. He was trying to say something about the importance of taking care of our pets or something like that in that stereotypical breaking the fourth wall format of kiddie shows that was popularized by Dora the Explorer. He started petting the cat and gently stroking it in a way that appeared completely innocent. Because I thought I was just watching some half assed Sesame Street ripoff, I picked up the remote but what I saw as I was right about to change the channel is something I'll never forget as long as I live. The cat bit Mr. Bear on the finger causing him to say,

"Remember kids, when your pets get out of line it's important to punish them!". He then proceeded to take the cat outside in the pitch black darkness and nail it to a tree. No seriously, Mr. Bear literally nailed the cat to a tree in a crucified position. Hearing the pitiful meows of Mr. Mittens as his hands were getting nailed was downright scarring, I could even hear the poor kitten's bones cracking as that happened. After he nailed that innocent adorable critter to the tree, Mr. Bear picked up a flamethrower and burnt the cat to death. The cameraman zoomed in on the cat's charred face with blood dripping down from it, the cat's bones were even visible by the end of the clip. In the background, I could hear Mr. Bear saying some very disturbing things about praising Satan. He then looked at the camera and said to the child audience,

"Remember kiddies, when your pets get out of line. You must sacrifice them in the dark holy name of Lord Krondor!". A grotesquely realistic image of Satan popped up on the screen for about a split second after Mr. Bear said that disgusting thing. Then the tape cut to pure static and the channel changed to football all of a sudden, most likely the same football game my dad had left on the TV before heading off to work. My cousin had changed the channel due to the disturbing content she had seen. I was literally traumatized, I was stiff as a stone and could barely move. I had nightmares for weeks because of that stupid show. Whenever I ask my cousin if she remembers the show or not, she always denies it and claims she's never heard of such a thing. But I highly doubt that's possible. There's no way an innocent little girl such as herself could've seen such a horrific thing and not be scarred for life because of it. Despite her claims of ever having seen the show, every time I'm watching HTF and Flippy comes on the screen my cousin runs for the hills and starts screaming. There's only one logical explanation for that:That horrible Mr. Bear show really did traumatize her and subsequently gave her a fear of evil bears.