Cuddles of the Opera/Transcript

This is a transcript of the fanon episode Cuddles of the Opera.

Transcript
(At night, we start at a far away shot of Russell on a dock, holding a fishing rod with a bucket of fish near him. His ship is placed near the deck. Close-up on Russell; he feels a tug on his rod and pulls up a wriggling barracuda. Happily, he places it in his bucket of fish. He notices it's night and yawns; he picks up the bucket and walks into his ship.)

(Inside, he places the fishing rod near an umbrella bin and dumps the fish in a chest full of other caught fish. Russell then walks inside his room, changes into his sleeveless shirt and gets on the hammock, hands behind his head.)

Russell: (relaxed) Yarr...

(Cut to outside the ship; a familiar long-eared silhouette holding a sheet stand walks in on the dock. Close-up of two yellow feet with pink bunny slippers walking in as the stand is put down. A zoom-out reveals them to belong to Cuddles, who had just chose that particular time to sing. He pulls out breath spray from behind his back and sprays some into his throat, before putting it back.)

Cuddles: (clears his throat) Figaro! Figaro! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro-Figaro!

(During Cuddles' repetitive "Figaro"'s, cut to Russell sleeping on his hammock. He opens his eye halfway and looks around to see where the singing is coming from, but soon shrugs it off and goes back to sleep.)

Cuddles: (offscreen) FIIIIIIGAAAAAROOOOOO!!!!!!!! (Russell gets startled and ends up spinning around on his hammock before falling down face-flat on the floor)

(Russell gets up, and looks back as he growls angrily. He is really furious at being disturbed, and looks out his window to see Cuddles singing at this time of the night.)

Cuddles:  Ah, bravo Figaro! Bravo, bravissimo Ah, bravo Figaro! Bravo, bravissimo A te fortuna, a te fortuna, a te fortuna non manchera! Lalalalalalalalalalala! A te fortuna, a te fortuna, a te fortuna non manchera! Sono il factotum della citta! Sono il factotum della citta Della citta, della citta! Della ciiiiiiiiiiiiiii............

(During Cuddles' singing of the climax, Russell runs back and returns with items such as a fishing trophy, an anchor, a swordfish, a ship in a bottle, a bucket and a picture frame of a ship. He tosses those one-by-one towards Cuddles, but the rabbit unknowingly dodges those. Eventually, as Cuddles holds a really long high note on the last "della citta", Russell grabs a knife and throws it as Cuddles. It actually hits him... well, in the eye at least, which gets chopped in half as a result. The music in the background finishes as this happens.)

(Russell, giving a satisfied sigh, walks back to his hammock to sleep. Cut to Cuddles; half of his eye is now seen. He feels the eye with his hands and gasps. Undeterred, he pulls out an eyepatch from his back and wraps it around his severed eye to conceal it. Clearing his throat again, he then sings the Toreador Song by Carmen.)

Cuddles: Toreador, en garde, Toreador, Toreador! Et songe bien, oui, songe en combattant Qu'un oeil noir te regarde, Et que l'amour t'attend, Toreador, L'amour t'attend!

(Cut to Russell in his hammock; he wakes up again upon hearing Cuddles' singing. Unable to take it any more, Russell runs out of his room, returns with a cannon and several cannonballs, puts the ammunition in the cannon and sticks it out of the window, aiming it at Cuddles.)

Cuddles: Toreador, en garde, Toreador, Toreador! Et songe bien, oui, songe en combattant Qu'un oeil noir te regarde, Et que l'amour t'attend, Toreador, L'amour t'attend!

(As Cuddles continues to sing, Russell pulls the string on the cannon multiple times, blasting five of the several cannonballs towards Cuddles. Unfortunately, they all miss and blast through the wood instead while the unfazed and undisturbed rabbit keeps on singing. Grunting in rage, Russell pulls the string more and more, only succeeding in creating more holes on the dock. Russell pulls the string again, but nothing comes out.)

Cuddles: Tout d'un coup, on fait silence...

(Russell has finally had enough, and looking back to see what other item he can use to shut up the lagomorph, he grabs a bow and arrow and shoots the arrow at Cuddles' arm.)

Cuddles: (continues singing despite getting stabbed in the arm; blood pours out of his arm) Ah! que se passe-t-il? Plus de cris, c'est l'instant! Plus de cris, c'est l'instant! Le taureau s'elance En bondissant hors du Tor-

(As Cuddles is still singing, some of his blood falls in the water. Cut to underwater; a great white shark swims by and smells the blood nearby. Cut back to Cuddles; he is about to finish singing when the shark suddenly jumps up and eats him and part of the dock he is standing on. As the shark swims back underwater, a huge semicircle is cut onto the dock.)

(Russell, finally realizing he stopped Cuddles' singing, celebrates by jumping up and down until he accidentally stabs himself in the nose. He screams as a result, while some of his blood falls in the water. The shark then jumps up and eats Russell as well as part of his ship. It then swims into the distance with only it's fin sticking out of the water. The iris out then closes, stopping on the shark.)

Shark: (emerges; in an operatic voice) Figaro!!! (the iris out then closes)

The End