Relation****

Relation**** is an episode of HTFF. It's about Melody Melancholy winning an arguement with her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend Pierce.

Note: Everyone in this episode speaks clear English.

Starring

 * Melody Melancholy
 * Pierce

Featuring

 * Beth S. Alt

Plot and Transcript
Pierce is infuriated with Melody. He's about to snap at her, but then a shoulder angel appears.

Pierce Angel: Look, your relationship is turning into a relation****. Look, you're in one right now. You two just arguing about nothing. You two get in the weirdest arguements, you two just basically try and find things to argue about. You can't just be grown up about it.

Pierce thinks of a civil way to settle it.

In his mind, Pierce thinks about this:

Pierce: *Calmly* Hey, you know what? Hey, come here. Um, we're ****ing over, are we? You go that way, I'll go this way. It was good times. *Walks away*

Pierce goes back into reality when a sholder devil kills the angel.

Pierce Devil: Let's just stick around for 3 days so we can end this thing violently.

Meanwhile, Melody thinks of an excuse to stay with Pierce.

Mel thinks this:

Beth S. Alt: Melody, why don't you just go? Mel, seriously. Mel, I'm here because we're concerned about you and he's a ****wad. I just want you to go.

Melody: I just can't go! I just can't go, Beth! It's not that easy! Okay?! You think I can just go, it's not that easy! My stuff is in his house!

Melody is snapped into reality just as soon a Pierce is about to argue with her.

Pierce: Honey, honey, why do you put the ****ing DVD's in order?! So I can find those DVD's of you being a ***re the second I want to watch them?! This ****'s all scrambled up because you're a ****ing ****rd! Why do you put these in order?! IN ORDER!! Now fight me for three days because I'm bored!

Melody just sighs and puts her book down.

Pierce's goal is to make Mel cry, not the heavy weeping, just that one glistening tear. Pierce thinks of it:

Melody: *Sniff* Why would you say that? *Tries to hide her tears* Why did you say that? *Starts crying*

Pierce: *Laughs* I win! I win! *Laughs more* Now go talk to your friend for four hours, I'm just going to play X-box! *Gets his headset on* Hey, what's up guys? I just made my chick cry! Hey, where's the gatling gun?

Pierce goes into reality and throws every insult in the book at Mel. At one point, Melody cocks her left leg apart from her right leg and just agrees with everything he says.

Melody: You know what, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right, and I didn't even know. Why would I even know? Because you're the star of Right, and I'm just floating here in the Sea of Wrong, seeing you go by in your ship of Right. Please, just throw me a lifeline so I know. You're right, I don't even know if I'm right about everything I just said, but you know.

Melody then touches her own face and does a little windshield wiper movement with her hand. Melody then pivots her body to the right, then takes 3-5 steps towards Pierce. She slows down when she's near Pierce, then cocks her head to the left.

Melody: *Talks with no emphasis, she talks very subtley, almost a whisper, to make Pierce listen* Well, you're stupid like your father.

At first, Mel's comment means nothing to Pierce.

Pierce: *Laughing out loud* What does that even mean? Bye! *Laughs more*

Later, it is shown that Pierce was pacing back and forth in the basement for forty minutes.

Pierce: Heh... *It slowly starts to seep in* Hehehe, stupid like your father... *Realization, rage builds up, and then he explodes* '''MY FATHER'S A REALLY GOOD MAN!!! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!'''

Pierce goes back upstairs, he can't even rememer the layout of his own house.

Pierce: OK, where the **** do I live?! *Walks in the kitchen* THAT is the pantry... And... *turns around, sees Melody*

Melody has a successful look on her face, and she's eating noodles. The mistake is that Pierce has no planned words for Mel, so he defaults to swearing more, getting louder, and pointing out the obvious.

Pierce: '''Oh, you're just going to eat ****ing noodles?! You're just gonna be a ****ing ***che, eating ****ing noodles like your ***?! You're just gonna sit there?! *Immitates someone eatting noodles* You're ****ing... Yeah?! Eat ****ing noodles all day?! Is that what you're going to do?! Well, who bought the ****ing noodles?! WHO BOUGHT THE ****ING NOODLES???!!! I DID, I BOUGHT THE ****ING NOODLES!!! ENJOY MY ****ING NOODLES THAT I ****ING BOUGHT!!!! EVERY BOX OF THEM, MINE!!!!! I ****ing bought them! And you know what?! I ****ing love noodles, and I love them my whole LIFE!! You know why?! You know why I love them?! Because when I was a little boy, my dad used to buy all the ****ing noodles I wanted! If I said "Daddy, I want some noodles!", he ****ing bought them! You know why?! BECAUSE HE'S A SMART ****ING GUY!!! You don't even know! You don't even know...! You don't even know... You don't even KNOW!!'''

Melody: (In her mind) Nailed it.

Trivia

 * This episode is based off of Dane Cook's joke on why women win fights.